So you’ve promised “in sickness
and in health,” but whose health? One new poll shows
that being the caregiver to an
ill spouse carries more stress than caring for a mom, dad
or even your in-laws.
Although Americans 40 and older
state that they are concerned about chronic illness
and losing their independence
they believe 1) they can count on their families to care for
them and 2) that the costs will
be covered by Medicare even though, as the poll found,
that half of these Americans
have been caregivers to relatives or friends.
Amazingly, especially to those
of us who have already cared for chronically ill family and
“preach” the importance of
arranging for long-term care insurance while one is eligible,
find that neither the graying
population nor the loved ones who expect to help them are
doing much planning for
long-term care. Only 41 percent of this population has taken
the important first step of even
discussing their preferences for long-term care with their
families and only 35 percent
have set aside money to pay for their long-term care needs.
The well-known misperceptions
surrounding the costs of long-term care services are
that a major portion of the
population underestimate the costs of nursing home and/or
at-home care and overestimate
the role of Medicare in paying for that care.
If you are, or become ill, how
do you plan on being cared for? By whom, where, who will
cover the costs, etc.? Will this
be the person who promised “In sickness or in health?”
Does one truly understand the
meaning of the words “In sickness and in health, for
richer or for poorer, for better
or for worse,” saying them when you’re high on love, you’re
generally healthy, and the dream
of your fabulous life together is in front of you? The
meanings of these words are
pretty much lost, even when you ponder them.
In a spousal/partnership
situation, the relationship changes when one of them gets
chronically ill. Even when the
possibilities of how care will be handled has been
discussed. Essentially the well
spouse/partner leaves the role of intimate husband, wife
and/or partner and takes on the
role of carer in a more medical or nurse-like sense.
Often, the addition of this new
role carries with it stress, frustration, loneliness and,
at times, anger. That’s not to
say that caregiving cannot or doesn’t strengthen the
marriage/partnership commitment.
Typically caregiving starts with
driving a loved one to the doctor or helping with
household or other chores that
were once handled by the ill spouse. From there the
care progresses to hands-on
care, such as bathing, dressing, feeding, toileting, timing
and dispensing medications,
helping with ambulating and more. Increasingly the well
spouse/partner is handling tasks
that were once left to nurses.
More and more families are
facing the responsibilities of caregiving. And not
addressed in too many poles and
or articles, in the Parkinson’s world this is no longer
relegated to the greying or
older generations: Government figures show nearly 7 in 10
Americans will need long-term
care at some point after they reach age 65. Amazingly,
only 20 percent (1.5 to 2 out of
10) of those surveyed think it is likely they will need
such care someday. And yet, on
the other hand, 39 percent are profoundly concerned
about burdening their families.
Only 30 percent of people polled
say they believe they will likely care for a loved
one in the next five years and
feel prepared to do so.
It has been documented that
women tend to live longer than men and are
subsequently the greatest
majority of family caregivers; the poll found that 41 percent have assisted a mother, 17
percent have cared for a father, and 14 percent have cared for a spouse or partner.
Of note is the stress on the
sandwich generation—middle-aged people caring for
both children and older parents, often while
holding down a job—It has been well-documented, and
the new poll found half of all caregivers
report the experience caused stress in the family.
But spouses were most likely to
report that stress and have stated that caregiving
damaged their relationship with their partner
and deeply reduced their finances.
While the hope is that family
members will take on some of the caregiving tasks,
spouses are more likely to handle most of the
complex care tasks, and are on duty 24-7 with far
less help from family and friends than they had hoped
for.
Taking on the complex caregiving
tasks is physically harder when
considering that most
spouse caregivers tend to be
older. The average age of spouse caregivers polled
was 67, compared with people who’ve cared for a
parent at an average age of 58.
One 79 year-old woman who cared
for her husband for nearly five years while he
suffered dementia and Parkinson’s syndrome, care
that eventually required feeding, dressing and
diapering him said,“I think I loved him more after
I started caring for him. I saw what a wonderful
person he was: his (positive) attitude, his
kindness, his acceptance of things.” But he lived his last
11 months in a nursing home because “I couldn’t handle
him anymore. He
was too big for me. He was as
helpless as a baby.”
To help cope with Caregiver
Stress consider the
following:
♥ Attend Caregiver Support group meetings;
♥ Keep a positive attitude. Believe in yourself;
♥ Accept that there are events you cannot control;
♥ Learn to relax;
♥ Exercise regularly. Your body can fight stress better
when it is fit;
♥ Limit yourself to moderate alcohol and caffeine
intake;
♥ Set realistic goals and expectations;
♥ Get enough rest and sleep;
♥ Learn to use stress management techniques and
coping mechanisms, such as deep
breathing or
guided imagery;
♥ If necessary consult a mental therapist.
